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Archive for October, 2009

How do you tell the difference between a want and a should?  I posted this question on Facebook and received the following answers:

  • “When you reach your “should”, you only arrived because it’s what was expected, and you may be content with that. But, when you reach your “want”, it’s much more rewarding when you’ve arrived. There may be more obstacles, but it’s much more rewarding.”
  • “A want is more of a desire where a should comes with doubt”.
  • “A well established therapist once said to me (in conversation): “shoulds” are sh-t.”

To me, shoulds are those thoughts we have that often pertain to something we do not really want to do, but somewhere we feel we need to or have to.  They often stem from beliefs we have about what is “right” for ourselves, others and the world; as well as expectations from others. 

Wants, on the other hand come from deeper desires, from something that inspires or pulls us.  When we truly want something, as one of the comments indicated above, we will often go to greater lengths to achieve it.  Whereas when something is a should, we may keep it on the back burner for a long time…

An example of a want?  A friend of mine just had triplets after spending 8 weeks in the hospital on bed rest at the end of her pregnancy.  Was it difficult?  Yes!  What kept her going and feeling positive this whole time?  Her deep want to have a family!

How do you tell the difference betweeh your wants and shoulds?

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I have been blogging for more than a year and writing articles for a several years, so I decided to compile a list of everything I have written.  (I admit it, I love making lists)

A few things came up for me as I was doing this exercise.  I remembered when I used to think (and say out loud) “I can’t write”.   Those words were there before I started writing articles, then came up again in the form of “I won’t know what to blog about” when I contemplated blogging and yet again in the form of “how will I only write one sentence” when I started using Twitter.   The awareness?  Though the thoughts were there, I took action despite the words in my head and mouth and proved them wrong!   Starting was the hardest, but once I made the leap and wrote that first article, that first blog post, I realized I could do it and it built my confidence to stretch even further!

Another awareness as I was compiling this list?  I realized that my ideas for articles and blogs flow much more easily than I anticipated they would.  I actually now enjoy the process of expressing my ideas, ponderings and observations in words.

Yes, I love reviewing and making lists because they bring organization to my life, but a wonderful byproduct of a review like this is the awareness it brings.

Take a few minutes to review some of your own activities. 

I would love to hear what you discover!

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Fall is my favorite season and one change I look forward to.   The change I didn’t expect or like very much?  Changes to my gym routine, especially the classes.

I love routines.  They help me stay focused and on track.  This is expecially true of going to the gym.  I also love challenges, which is why I go to several classes each week as the instructors are the best at pushing me past my comfort zone physically.

So you can understand my horror (OK maybe that’s too strong a word) when I realized that not only would some of the times of my tried and true classes be changing a bit, but many of the instuctors were changing too!!  My first reaction was “NO!  this is not good, this won’t work at all, now I’ll have to change my whole schedule, I’ll have to find different classes…” and on an on my mind reeled!.

Then I took a breath and thought about what I truly wanted – to be physically fit; and the best way for me to make that happen – taking classes that focused on strength and challenged me.  So…. I realized that the tweak in schedule may mean taking a different class now and then which adds variety (something I also love), and that new instructors would also be challenging me in new ways.  So, I not only accepted this change but now look forward to what is could mean for me positively!

How do you react to change?

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My recent article, “Enough, that elusive measure” focuses on the dilemma many of us face of not having enough.  We don’t have enough… time, enough sleep, enough money, or enough energy.  We are not smart enough, thin enough, educated enough, we don’t know enough, or charge enough.  When working with my clients I hear words like, “If I had enough money I would…”; or “I never have enough time to…”, and “I never have enough energy for…” 

When I started my business I knew and prepared just enough to take my first step.  I completed my initial coach certification, created my client materials, and designed my basic business structure to begin accepting clients.  Did I know everything there was to know about coaching?  No – that is an ongoing process that will never be completed for this profession requires my own consistent learning and growth.  Did I have everything I would ever need to work with clients?  No – every day I learn a new tool or find new resources to benefit my clients.  Did I know everything I needed to know about running and building a business?  No way – I did know the important start up points including my potential for income, my accounting needs and possibilities, but the rest I learn as I go along and that is part of what makes it exciting.  I knew just enough to start.  Just enough to plan out my beginning.

What does your “enough” look like?

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