Best Fit Life

I recently spent a wonderful weekend visiting my brother and his family in Chicago.  It is such a beautiful city – great architecture, very walkable, full of activity and friendly people.  I can see why they love living there as it fits their personalities, interests, wants and many of their needs.

For all its virtues, Chicago is not a good fit for me and my husband.  The Triangle in NC, where I am grateful to make my home, is!  Every day as I drive around town I gaze at my surroundings and am so appreciative of where I am.

It is no accident. For as many of you know, my husband and I spent many hours contemplating where in the country we wanted to live, what type of community we wanted to live in and much more.  We went exploring and found it right here!

There is something about seeing and experiencing a different place – a contrast – that brings out the intensity of what I already have and just how much it means to me – how much it fits me!

When have you experienced such a contrast that made you realize what you have and where you are is your best fit?

My Focus

My current article  talks about where we place our focus and  attention (most of the time), so I thought I would share mine.

First, I want to start with where my focus used to be most of the time – worry.  I would worry about everything, big things, small things – you name it I would worry about it.  Then one day I heard a powerful quote that made me realize just how much attention I was paying to worry. It was said by Mark Twain and went something like this “I have lived a long life and had many troubles, most of which never actually happened”!

That day I began my shift from focusing on the worry (most often about the future) to focusing on what was happening at that very moment (present).  If it is something good or great, I now focus on how grateful I am for it or how much I like/love/appreciate it.  If it is something not-so-great, I focus on what I can do about it (solution).

Do I still worry?  Yes.  The biggest difference is that worrying now only takes some of my attention and focus, some of the time.  NOT most of it.

What about you?

Wants vs Shoulds

How do you tell the difference between a want and a should?  I posted this question on Facebook and received the following answers:

• “When you reach your “should”, you only arrived because it’s what was expected, and you may be content with that. But, when you reach your “want”, it’s much more rewarding when you’ve arrived. There may be more obstacles, but it’s much more rewarding.”
• “A want is more of a desire where a should comes with doubt”.
• “A well established therapist once said to me (in conversation): “shoulds” are sh-t.”

To me, shoulds are those thoughts we have that often pertain to something we do not really want to do, but somewhere we feel we need to or have to.  They often stem from beliefs we have about what is “right” for ourselves, others and the world; as well as expectations from others. 

Wants, on the other hand come from deeper desires, from something that inspires or pulls us.  When we truly want something, as one of the comments indicated above, we will often go to greater lengths to achieve it.  Whereas when something is a should, we may keep it on the back burner for a long time…

An example of a want?  A friend of mine just had triplets after spending 8 weeks in the hospital on bed rest at the end of her pregnancy.  Was it difficult?  Yes!  What kept her going and feeling positive this whole time?  Her deep want to have a family!

How do you tell the difference betweeh your wants and shoulds?

Review Brings New Awareness

I have been blogging for more than a year and writing articles for a several years, so I decided to compile a list of everything I have written.  (I admit it, I love making lists)

A few things came up for me as I was doing this exercise.  I remembered when I used to think (and say out loud) “I can’t write”.   Those words were there before I started writing articles, then came up again in the form of “I won’t know what to blog about” when I contemplated blogging and yet again in the form of “how will I only write one sentence” when I started using Twitter.   The awareness?  Though the thoughts were there, I took action despite the words in my head and mouth and proved them wrong!   Starting was the hardest, but once I made the leap and wrote that first article, that first blog post, I realized I could do it and it built my confidence to stretch even further!

Another awareness as I was compiling this list?  I realized that my ideas for articles and blogs flow much more easily than I anticipated they would.  I actually now enjoy the process of expressing my ideas, ponderings and observations in words.

Yes, I love reviewing and making lists because they bring organization to my life, but a wonderful byproduct of a review like this is the awareness it brings.

Take a few minutes to review some of your own activities. 

I would love to hear what you discover!

Season of Change

Fall is my favorite season and one change I look forward to.   The change I didn’t expect or like very much?  Changes to my gym routine, especially the classes.

I love routines.  They help me stay focused and on track.  This is expecially true of going to the gym.  I also love challenges, which is why I go to several classes each week as the instructors are the best at pushing me past my comfort zone physically.

So you can understand my horror (OK maybe that’s too strong a word) when I realized that not only would some of the times of my tried and true classes be changing a bit, but many of the instuctors were changing too!!  My first reaction was “NO!  this is not good, this won’t work at all, now I’ll have to change my whole schedule, I’ll have to find different classes…” and on an on my mind reeled!.

Then I took a breath and thought about what I truly wanted – to be physically fit; and the best way for me to make that happen – taking classes that focused on strength and challenged me.  So…. I realized that the tweak in schedule may mean taking a different class now and then which adds variety (something I also love), and that new instructors would also be challenging me in new ways.  So, I not only accepted this change but now look forward to what is could mean for me positively!

How do you react to change?

What is Enough?

My recent article, “Enough, that elusive measure” focuses on the dilemma many of us face of not having enough.  We don’t have enough… time, enough sleep, enough money, or enough energy.  We are not smart enough, thin enough, educated enough, we don’t know enough, or charge enough.  When working with my clients I hear words like, “If I had enough money I would…”; or “I never have enough time to…”, and “I never have enough energy for…” 

When I started my business I knew and prepared just enough to take my first step.  I completed my initial coach certification, created my client materials, and designed my basic business structure to begin accepting clients.  Did I know everything there was to know about coaching?  No – that is an ongoing process that will never be completed for this profession requires my own consistent learning and growth.  Did I have everything I would ever need to work with clients?  No – every day I learn a new tool or find new resources to benefit my clients.  Did I know everything I needed to know about running and building a business?  No way – I did know the important start up points including my potential for income, my accounting needs and possibilities, but the rest I learn as I go along and that is part of what makes it exciting.  I knew just enough to start.  Just enough to plan out my beginning.

What does your “enough” look like?

Feeling Like A Kid

September is such a wonderful time to visit the beach.  The weather and water is still warm, yet there is a hint of fall in the air and light; and you practically have the beach to yourself.

While I love many things about the beach, one of my favorites is being in the water, expecially when the waves are strong.  There is something about the waves crashing at my feet as I stand knee deep that exhilrates me.  It is as if, in those moments I am transported back to my childhood.  I feel a sense of giddyness, wonder at the power of the ocean, and playfulness.  

What made this last experience even more fun was getting caught in a downpour while on the beach.  It always strikes me as funny when everyone runs for fear of getting wet, when we are already in our bathing suits!   For me, walking in the rain also brought me back, and I was enjoying the moment of getting soaked as we walked back to our hotel, just like I did as a small child (when my mother let me get soaked that is).

Being on vacation adds to the experience of feeling like a kid since responsibilities are put on hold, there are no schedules, and no expectations.

What makes you feel like a kid?

Seeing Results

I like to see results, evidence that my actions have produced some outcome.  The outcome could be a tasty meal, an organized home, a fun experience, a beautiful painting, and of course a thriving business.  For many of these activities, results come fairly quickly, but I knew that would not always be the case in my business.  Since patience was never one of my virtues I knew it was something I had to learn if I were to succeed in business (and life).  I knew I needed to trust that results would come and be patient as I created the environment for them.

My first year in business I dilligently and consistently “planted seeds” by focusing on becoming visible in my new community and making connections with great people.  I believed in everything I was doing, that all my marketing and PR activities would eventually begin to show results.  Yet, during those initial months I did sometimes question whether everything I was doing was “right” and thought maybe I was missing something, especially when the results were not showing up as quickly as I wanted them to (did I mention patience was not one of my virtues?)

Even though I questioned and wondered, I stayed true to my plan and kept moving forward.  Sure enough, all my activities started to pay off!  So I kept going with the same consistency and 4 years later my results continue…

What results are you seeking?

What environment have you created for them to come?

Just The Way You Are

Last week I posted this question on Facebook “What would it mean to truly accept yourself – just the way you are, just the way things are – for today?”

It came from one of my earlier posts, Accepting Yourself.  Some of the comments I received show how challenging this truly is so I thought it deserved more discussion.  Comments included – “I would truly have to push myself to accomplish this”, “It would be the ultimate accomplishment”, “I don’t think I have ever been in that place. Definitely something to strive for”. 

Why do you think accepting ourselves and our lives just the way we/they are today is so challenging to do?  Acceptance does not mean giving up on growth.   What it means to me is being OK with what is here now as we plan for what’s next.  It means focusing more on what we are walking toward rather than trying to escape from. 

When I was really ready to leave New York my dislike for where I was living intensified at first.  The thing was, though I was “ready” in my mind, we were not “ready” in reality since we didn’t know where we did want to live yet.  I realized this intense dislike was causing me more harm than good so I chose instead to make the best of where I was while we were planning our move.  This choice eased the rush to move and gave us the freedom to truly focus on what we wanted for our new home/community, to get excited about it and plan for it.  We were really OK just the way were were living for years, we just wanted something different – and we found it.  When we did, we knew it was right and not just an escape!

One Step

In my article titled “Your Commitment Step” I talk about taking one step.  One step, that by taking it will have a ripple effect and put you in motion toward achieving your bigger goals.  The one step must be one that is out of your comfort zone, usually just over the threshold of comfort.  It has to be uncomfortable enough, that when you take it, it feels like a commitment, like the huge weight of indecision has been lifted and you are on your path.  It should feel big to you – even if on the surface it looks small. 

For me, the one step was putting our house in NY up for sale (tell story of flight home)  Yes, that does not seem like a large commitment – after all we could have easily taken it off the market, but to me that decision to publically list our house was monumental and represented our internal firm commitment to start our lives over in a new place.  The build up to that moment was scary, often disappointing (especially when we were not finding what we wanted in some of the places we visited), and often overwhelming (when we were not sure what we really wanted).  But once that ad was placed declaring our house for sale – I was able to breathe.  Did the fear go away?  No.  But now it was accompanied by excitement, anticipation and an almost delicious uncertainty!

What will be your “one step”?